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by QueensJenn



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Gen, Instagram, Mental Health Issues, Twitter, anger issues, brofeels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3488423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueensJenn/pseuds/QueensJenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he's been trying so hard. this shouldn't be happening anymore.</p><p>(sequel to 'if you're thinking you might be sinking')</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> A sequel to "if you're thinking you might be sinking", that was supposed to have been posted like a month ago. Whoops. 
> 
> Inspired by this instagram post: https://instagram.com/p/ynDuu_EQkt/

As usual, Vegard didn’t look up when Bård stood in the doorway of the room they’d claimed as their office. His brother did that enough times throughout the day that he’d long since learned that there was no reason to look up; Bård would simply spout whatever he wanted to talk about at him and then go, not even waiting for an answer. 

So when Bård _didn’t_ say anything, that gave him pause enough to give him his full attention.

“What?” he asked at last.

“Hey…how are you doing?” Bård’s tone was so gentle that it immediately set him on edge, because Bård never used that tone, and never asked him how he was doing.

“What’s going on?”

Bård sighed, before coming into the room and closing the door. Vegard clenched his hands. He knew this was going to be bad. 

“Jørgen called me,” Bård began.

“Great. What does he want now?” Couldn’t he just leave them _alone?_

“There’s been some complaints.”

Vegard looked away from his computer screen. “Complaints about _what?_ ”

“That picture you posted on Instagram the other day, the Christian fiction thing.” Bård sighed. “Vegard, you can’t _do_ stuff like that anymore. We’ve got like a million more people watching us now, you have to be a little sensitive.”

Vegard stared at his brother, unable to form words. “A little _sensitive?_ ” he managed at last. “Bård are you fucking _kidding_ me? It was a joke! We’re comedians, for fuck’s sake! That’s what we do!”

“I know, but…it’s a touchy subject, especially in the USA. Back home, no one cares, but it’s different now. We aren’t just dealing with Norwegians any more, Vegard.”

“I don’t fucking care. They can get over it.”

“Well I do care.”

“What, are you a Jesus-freak now too?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Bård let that comment pass. “Just…stay away from religion and stuff like that. It’s just easier that way. There’s a thousand other things to make jokes about here.”

“So what? I’m supposed to always censor myself now?” He could feel the rage building up inside him. “What about _my_ freedom of speech? Or should I just give my phone to you every time, so you can approve it?” he asked sarcastically.

“Look, it’s not a big deal, it’s just —“

“Not a big deal? Well obviously it is!” The blood was rushing in his ears and his vision was growing hazy, no matter how hard he tried to fight it back. “Fine then! Fine! Maybe I’ll just never post anything again! If I’m so bad, if everyone’s so goddammed _sensitive_ , then they don’t deserve it!”

_CRACK_

Vegard blinked, breathing hard. The pounding in his ears was receding, and Bård had backed away, unable to conceal the fear the flashed across his features. 

Vegard’s iPhone lay on the floor across the room, shattered into pieces. The mark on the wall above it left no question as to what had happened. 

“Oh God,” he whispered. His knees felt weak and suddenly he couldn’t stop shivering. He leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table and his head in his hands. “Oh God, oh God… _no_ …”

“It’s okay.” Bård’s voice was soft and he was behind him, approaching him with the same caution as approaching a wounded animal. “It’s okay, just take it easy.” He gave him a questioning look and when Vegard nodded, put his hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s not okay,” he whispered, feeling prickly heat well up in his eyes, and closed his eyes to keep it back. “It’s _not_ okay.” He couldn’t even remember throwing the phone, and that scared him, but there was something else there too.“That’s not…that’s not supposed to happen anymore.”

“I don’t understand.”

He laughed hollowly. “I don’t either.” He dropped his head back into his hands. The rage was gone, leaving only an empty, aching hole in his chest. Even words seemed to get swallowed up into it.

“I do everything right, Bård,” he said at last. “I do the exercises. I take the pills - two in the morning, one at night, the blue ones when I can’t sleep. Every week I sit in a room and talk about feelings with a guy who’s old enough to be my father. I do everything. And this still happens.” He blinked hard. “It’s not _fair_.” 

Bård sighed. “Of course it isn’t _fair._ But you have changed. You don’t see it, but you have.”

“Apparently not enough,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be like that. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s only been a few weeks —“

“I should be _better!”_ he snapped. “You’re right! It’s been a few weeks! This shouldn’t be happening anymore!” He let the unspoken question hang in the air: _and if it is, is it even worth trying to continue?_

“You have changed,” Bård said steadily, “so much. You can’t see it, or feel it, or whatever, but everyone else can.”

“Then why…” he motioned towards the broken pieces of his phone.

“You’re tired, you’re off-balance in a foreign country, hell, have you even taken a break today? Eaten anything?” Vegard shook his head no, and Bård glared at him, then softened. “More than that, though. You’re fighting against 35 years of shit. Bad habits and bad brain chemicals…put it all together, it’s no wonder you snapped.”

Vegard looked up at him, wanting to believe him but not quite ready to yet.

“Think of all the times you _didn’t_ react badly. All the times you totally kept your cool. I bet there was a lot, over these past few weeks.” His mouth quirked up in a half-smile and Vegard mirrored it, huffing a soft laugh through his nose.

“It’s just one time. Don’t worry about it. You can move on from it, okay?”

After a long pause, Vegard nodded. “Okay.”

“Good.” Bård smiled. “Now, I wanted to show you what I have for the presentation this afternoon - Christian’s coming in at 2, so if we go over it now we’ll have time to get lunch before he comes. Sound good?”

Vegard nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Okay…I left my laptop in the boardroom, we might as well just go there…”

“You go on ahead, I just want to clean this up,” Vegard called to Bård’s retreating back. He got up and picked up the shattered phone, examining it for a minute before shoving it into his pocket, the broken pieces pressing into his thigh as a reminder. 

 


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